Picture This

Picture this..just picture it.
Finding out you are dying at the tender age of 15. The doctor's say you don't have long to live; but you've made it to 27.


Being deceivingly healthy one day, holding the weight well. When all the sudden, your insides are failing..you drop to a mere 98 pounds and you've got to spend 3 months of your life confined to a hospital room. Your skin is drying out, you can't hold anything down, you can't pickup weight for anything.


Living your life to the fullest each and every day, and going to bed knowing that your last could be any day now.

Picture this:
Thinking the world of someone who has been nothing but a blessing to your life. Someone who adores you and your daughter; and would give you both anything in the world. Someone who cried just as much as you did when your child was born.

Going out to clubs together, drinking, staying up playing cards...music blaring and your parents want to strangle you.

Admiring him..because he never meets a stranger and noone that has ever met him, can not like him. Watching him laugh and carry on as if nothing is wrong. Watching him keep a strong exterior, knowing that if you were in that position...you would not hold it together near as well.

Having no idea of their internal struggle, their constant battle with the uncurable;
and then having someone drop a bomb on you, when you least expect it..

I don't know how I will handle it when your life is through. But I love you more than words could ever describe. You have done more for Alexis and I than you have ever had to, and it is a scary thing to think that Alexis may not get to know you as well as I have. You are one of the most amazing people I've ever known, and your strength and will to live is so admirable. This is just one more bump in the road for you, I know that you can fight through it this time, as well. Your family needs you..and we all love you.

I will visit ALL of these places in my life.

I have been thinking a lot about how much I wish I was priveleged enough to be able to get up and go WHEREVER I wanted. I want to see so much of the world, visit places that have history rooted deeply in them, visit places that are spiritually uplifting and pleasing to the eye. I just want to travel..I want to see what other parts of the world have to offer. I want to do more than just read about all of these places. So, I have compiled a list of the most desirable places for me, in no partiular order..and I plan to make it to each and every one of them:

1. The Grand Canyon-Arizona



2. Salar de Ayuni- Bolivia
This is a MASSIVE salt desert in the middle of the Altiplano.



3. Tropical Rainforests in Costa Rica
The locals provide Rainforest creek tours, Ecolodges that are absolutely gorgeous and a wonderful Rainforest experience. This will hopefully be my first stop!







4. A volcano, preferrably dormant.
Cerro Chato is a dormant volcano in Costa Rica, and Arenal volcano's neighbor. From what I read, getting to the volcano's cone is quite a hike.



5. Rio Celeste, Costa Rica
Rio Celeste is a river in the canton of Guatuso that is dyed light blue by a chemical reaction of minerals from the Tenorio Volcano. It is surrounded by a lush forest, and you are able to hike along in through the Tenorio Volcano National Park.





6. Mt. St. Helens- Washington State
I would love to climb Mt. St. Helens.. My father and I have talked about it for years. But we have never been motivated enough to train for the climb. I could kill two birds with one stone on this one..it is also a dormant volcano. It has not erupted since March 27, 1980.





7. Paris, France
Do I really need to explain this one? lol



8. The Seven Wonders of the World. There are several of these lists, but the ones that I would like to visit are listed under the Seven Wonders of the Medieval World.

1. Stonehenge

2. Colosseum

3. Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa

4. Great Wall of China

5. Porcelain Tower of Nanjing

6. Hagia Sophia

7. Leaning Tower of Pisa (been here)


8. The Great Barrier Reef



9. Machu Picchu



10. New York City, with the LOVES of my life.
11. The Golden Gate Bridge
12. The Lorraine Motel
13. I would love to go back to Washington, D.C. and visit the Smithsonian and all other historic sites.

I'm sure that this is not where my list ends, but right now, I will stop here.

The Truth About Me

The Truth about me

I hate this place that I'm at in my life but I don't quite hate my life.

I'm twenty two and it feels like I've reverted back to thirteen

My jeans are still a size three every now and again I find my self enthralled in a cartoon movie I laugh way to easily and some times I'm afraid to be the real me

I hate place I'm at in my life but I don't quite hate my life

I'm twenty two and it feels like I've reverted back to thirteen

I trust like no ones ever told a lie I still cry when people say good bye if I don't get what I want sometimes I feel like I might die and when bad things happen I don't accept instead continuously ask why

I hate this place I'm at in my life but I don't quite hate my life

I'm twenty two and it feels like I've reverted back to thirteen

My temper is explosive my personality implusive If you contradict me prepare to fight I haven't learned to think but I am always right and as always if I watch a scary movie I can't sleep at night I still think my brother is out of sight and I always wake up with the day light

I hate this place I'm at in my life but I don't quite hate my life

I'm twenty two and it feels like I've reverted back to thirteen

I try to pretend that I'm cynical or jaded when a relationships fails
But apart of me still believes in fairy tales these are the reasons I don't quite hate my life now lets examine the other side of the knife

I cry more than I like to admit because I am an extremely easy target

What ever I do I give it my all which is why it hurts that much more when I fall

I trust like people have never told a lie but so many have been told looking straight in my eye

I still believe in fairy tales which means I'm a walking advertisment that reads take advantage of me I'm extremely naive

I've been hurt more times than I can count I've been let down more times than I care to mention I've been disillusioned and dismissed I've been hit I've been walked over I've been rejected and negelected and yet like a child I sill believe in the goodness of people

I hate the place I'm at in my life but I don't quite hate my life

I'm twenty two and feel like I've reverted back to thirteen

I share the dream..

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall"
- Nelson Mandela

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity" -Martin Luther King Jr.

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." -Mother Theresa

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world- that is the myth of the atomic age- as in being able to remake ourselves." -Mohandas Gandhi

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least don't harm them." -Dalai Lama