What
Am
I
Doing
Here
Anyway?

1 year later
6 months later
3 weeks later
It/all/stays/the/same

Loveless
But won't love less
Even though the love I receive is less
than..

I don't remember what it feels like to
turn the lights off and not just sleep
to have the passion from a kiss
or a touch just wash over me
because
the flame has
burnt out and the efforts to reignite
said flame are in vain

So,
What
Am
I
Doing
Here
Anyway?

I try to find a reason, something that I
can grasp on to but it all escapes me.

I can't think of a single thing that keeps me
here aside from the fear of feeling that hurt again.
It's hard to walk away from someone who has
your heart, even when you benefit none.

I wish I could trade places with this man for one
day just so he could feel the emptiness that I feel
and maybe that is a selfish heart speaking but it is
an honest one.

I don't remember the last time I really kissed this man
I don't remember the last time he touched me and
           was doing it because he wanted me feel his love
I don't remember the last time I spoke to him and felt like
            I was talking to someone who wanted to listen
I don't remember the last time I felt beautiful to him
I don't remember the last time I didn't feel like my whole
            world wasn't caving in
or that I could really be myself, again

I've been trying so hard not to lose him that I lost myself.

You couldn't imagine the torture of my existence if you tried.